Head On Collision

sn: no, no car accident. I’m on a rant again, please bear with me…

So I was just sitting here thinking about things, about my life and things I’ve been through, and where I am now, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I’ve been observing people for a minute now, and I started to think and reflect, on how people treat others, how they react to situations, how they carry themselves, and so forth. Which leads me to a question:

HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO LEAN ON THAT CRUTCH?

I’m serious. I know people that are mean, petty, selfish, angry, and treat others like crap, all because they’re still mad over stuff that happened to them 30 or 40 years ago. Now, I’m not really trying to point fingers, because I was guilty of the same kind of thing for a long time, still holding on to pain and stuff in my past. It took me way too long, to finally face my issues and start letting go. I’m talking stuff that happened when I was like 8 years old, and I turned 42 in October (I know, I look good don’t I? lol). Anyway, I had to realize something: No- freaking- body on this earth is perfect. No parent, no sibling, no child, absolutely NOBODY. So why carry all that anger and stress around for decades over something that an imperfect human being did? They have to answer for it at Judgment. Let that crap go!

Also, know this, beyond a shadow of a doubt: no situation, no circumstance, no trial, no tragedy, nothing that happens to you, defines who you are. If a fly lands on your face, it doesn’t make you a frog. The fly is just doing what it does. Swipe it away and keep moving. Just because this person walked up and touched you, doesn’t mean you asked for it, doesn’t mean you like them, it just means that that person can’t control themselves. Don’t take on their issues. Let it go! For your own sake. Stop leaning on that crutch. All it’s doing is draining your strength and eating away at you inside.

I hate when people say, they are the way they are because of what so-and-so did to them. Please stop. You’re doing what you want to do, and using that convenient circumstance as a crutch/excuse. Be what and who you are, just because that’s who and what you are, nothing more. But stop with the excuses and the blame game. You’re going to be an eaten-up, bitter old shell of a being, holding on to pain and anger and grudges from decades ago.

It’s high time to have a Head On Collision with your demons from the past. Look yourself in the mirror, face yourself and your issues head-on, and crash full force into them. Then dismiss them. Life will be so much better when you do.

Peace At Last

Like most people, I was in complete and utter shock on Thursday, June 25, 2009. With every news update, I shook my head in disbelief. Michael Jackson, the biggest superstar in the world, gone. Dead, at age 50. What on earth?

I idolized Michael. As a girl, I wanted to marry him. I had wall to wall to wall posters, I had all his albums and singles, I had every magazine with him on the cover, every item I could get my hands on that bore his image, I had it. I devoured every piece of information I could about him and his family. I knew all the siblings birthdays and full names, and spouses names. The Jacksons were my family.

Michael gave us brilliance in music. It is so sad to have him gone so soon, in such a way. But as much as it hurts to lose him, we can take some comfort in knowing that his troubles are over, he is truly resting in peace. When I think about all he went through, as a child who didn't have a childhood, as a young man who had self-esteem issues, as a man who was accused horribly of hurting children, as a man who had all types of tribulations, I hurt terribly for him and his family, and I say that now, he is in a far better place. No more rumors and lies, no more false accusations, no more cruel jokes, no more pain, no more heartache. Michael is truly and finally free.

Still Standing

I was born in the rural Mississippi Delta to a 22 year-old single mother, raised in the midst of cotton fields by an aunt and uncle who were in their sixties when I was born. I didn't have the best or most expensive clothes; my hair was thick and kinky; my face was especially round. So, I was teased mercilessly in school; my nickname from the kids was 'pie-face'. I hated that name! When I wasn't being teased, I was totally ignored by the other kids; no one played with me during recess. The older I got, the more different I was. I tried to fit in, tried to look and fit the part, but nothing worked. I sought attention from boys, and all I got was used. I made my way to college, thinking surely things will be different. Wrong. Then in my sophomore year, the rug was pulled from under me. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in August (1989); she died four months later on December 21. My sister was only 16. We left my stepdad (her dad) and went to live with relatives. The years rolled by, and one by one loved ones passed away, all the ones who truly loved and cared for me. I met a wonderful man and got married, but Satan couldn't let that rest. He got a grip, and has run rampant in our family. People that I considered family, so-called friends, stabbed me in the back. Now my family may be in jeopardy. The clouds have been thick and dark, the storm has raged all over my life.

Now you may be saying, this does not sound good. But here's the thing: I'm still here. There is a silver lining in the midst of my dark clouds. I have two beautiful children (of course, my 14 year old and I battle daily, lol). My little boy is the sweetest, and my daughter (the 14 year old) has so much ambition. My sister and I, after some years of off and on strain, have reconnected in a way that is so amazing, and I feel closer to her now than ever before. And I have a gift: writing. It is my gift, my passion, my source of relaxation. And God has led me to avenues to share that writing, avenues that may lead to a whole new world of possibilities. So yes, my life has been filled with sadness, heartbreak, and pain. But through all the hard and sad times, through all the misery and heartache, through all the trials and tribulations, I'm still here. I'm Still Standing. And I'm still here for a reason. God allowed all these things to occur in my life for a reason, and He kept me through it for a reason. My breakthrough is coming; I have to endure, to see what the end's gonna be. Know this; you may be going through some serious trials right now; you may feel that God has deserted you, that you're alone and no one cares. I know, I've been there. But deliverance is just ahead; you're breakthrough is right around the corner. It is so true, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Know what? I ain't dead yet! I, am Still Standing. And I Stand With You.