You Can Be…If You Choose

My mother’s death was the most tragic event in my life. For the longest time after that fateful day, I was sad, hurt, depressed, and lost. Mom’s death was also a major turning point for me, a time at which I set out on a journey. I was out to discover, to capture, the elusive enigma know as Happiness. Only, I had no clue what I was looking for, what I was chasing. What was this happiness I was seeking?

This was 20 years ago when I set out on this journey, without even knowing the meaning of what I sought. As I approach my 40th birthday, I have just now come to understand the true meaning of happiness, and how it comes about. They say wisdom comes with age; the older I get, and the more I experience, the more I am inclined to agree.

So what is happiness? I actually prefer the spelling used in the Will Smith movie based on stockbroker Chris Gardner’s amazing life: “The Pursuit of Happyness”. The purposeful misspell is explained beautifully in the movie, and it fits perfectly as we look at the word and its definition.

The word ‘happiness’ is derived from the adjective ‘happy’ and the suffix ‘-ness’. The dictionary definition of ‘happy’ is as follows:
feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy; causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment, or joy; feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right; willing to do something; resulting unexpectedly in something pleasant or welcome; used in formulae to express a hope that somebody will enjoy a special day or holiday; inclined to use a particular thing too readily or be too enthusiastic about a particular thing.
Synonyms for ‘happy’ include:
contentment, pleasure, gladness, cheerfulness, joy, glee, bliss, delight, exhilaration, ecstasy.
The suffix ‘-ness’ means ‘state, condition, or quality’. Adding the suffix ‘-ness’ changes ‘happy’ from an adjective to a noun, and the word ‘happiness’ thus means:
The state, condition, or quality of feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy; causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment, or joy; feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right; willing to do something; resulting unexpectedly in something pleasant or welcome; used in formulae to express a hope that somebody will enjoy a special day or holiday; inclined to use a particular thing too readily or be too enthusiastic about a particular thing.
Now, this definition is a bit lengthy and clinical for me, and having come to a whole new chapter in my life, and having a better understanding of my life and what it means to me, I like to define ‘happyness’ this way:
‘the state of mind in which one feels peace, contentment, and joy in being satisfied, and is determined to be content, joyful, and satisfied, no matter what.’

You see, happiness is a conditional state of mind. Happiness is not an object to be found; happiness is. It is a conscious choice to be. I spent 2 decades of my life trying to find happiness. I looked for it in relationships, jobs, money, and things. I did not find it there. I have been in some horribly painful situations; I have gone through pure hell. I had to come to a place where I realized that my happiness did not, could not, depend on people or things. I’m not working right now; I don’t have a dime to my name; I have no transportation of my own; and I’m not living in that big, beautiful house that I’ve always admired. But I am happy. I am at peace. I am content, and I am determined to be joyful and satisfied. You see, the place that I’m in, and not just the physical place, is a place where I have discovered me, the me that I want to be, the me that I am. I know my gift and it is from God. I may not have the things that I want, but I have my life, my health, and a peace that surpasses all understanding. Does that mean that I settle for less? NO! Does that mean that I don’t look for work or need money? NO! Does that mean that I don’t want my Yukon Denali and my 6-bedroom, 5-bathroom house? NO! Does that mean that I stop dreaming, hoping, and striving? NO!! What it does mean, is that while I continue to strive and hope, I am not a failure if I don’t make tons of money or drive a fancy car or wear designer clothes. I am still blessed no matter what, and what I do have, I make it work for me.

So people many search for happiness and run from here to there and never find what they are looking for. They look for others to make them happy; they look for a job to make them happy; they look for money to make them happy; they look for cars, clothes, and lifestyle to make them happy. And they are still never happy. They are never content. No matter what they have or what they get, it’s never enough. And they blame others for their mistakes, regrets, and lack of whatever it is they seek. They will never be happy, until they face themselves in that mirror, confront whatever demon is plaguing them, and determine in their heart and mind that they will be happy no matter what. Once you learn that life lesson, you are then truly blessed, and rich beyond measure.